When You Left
by Jeck
Summary: After graduation... Alex thinks about her decision. PALEX! My first oneshotsongfic... how bad could it be?


Okay people! This here is a real treat. People... let me introduce my first oneshot/songfic! WOOT! FEAR ME NOW! Now that all that is aout of my system... I'll get to it then!

Disclaimer- Degrassi... not mine. These lyrics... not mine. What is mine, you ask? Well, the plot of course!

This song is Santa Monica by Theory of a Deadman! WOOT!

**_When You Left_**

_She fills my bed with gasoline_

_You think I wouldn't notice_

_Her mind's made up, her love is gone_

_I think someone's trying to show us a sign_

Music blared against her eardrums as she took another swig of beer. Alex leaned up against a wall next to a familiar bad-boy, one hand was in her pocket and the other was clutched firmly on the beer bottle. Tonight, it was the only thing keeping her sane.

_That even if we thought it would last_

_The moment would pass_

_My bones will break and my heart will give_

She watched as everyone enjoyed themselves. For Alex, it was bittersweet. She couldn't even remember why she'd wanted to come in the first place, it was clear that no one really wanted her here. No one really seemed to even notice she was there, at the party. And then… she saw them kiss.

_Oh it hurts to live_

"Hey Lexi… maybe you and me better split." Jay muttered as he followed her gaze to the reunited 'perfect couple'.

"No, no. I think I'll just go get some air." She said and walked away. Once she got outside to see the cloudless sky she thought, 'And pretend I never saw that.'

_And I remember the day, when you left for Santa Monica_

_You left me remain, with all your excuses for everything_

There was a crash inside, but before Alex could reenter the house, Marco was outside screaming at her.

"I try and throw Paige the best 'good-bye' party ever and your asshole 'boyfriend' attacks her boyfriend. Take your freak home!" He yelled. Alex glared at Marco.

"That freak is my friend, nothing more. It's not my problem if he decided to beat the fuck out of…"

"That's not my point! He's ruining the party and the only reason he's here is because you brought him and we didn't say anything to stop you!" Alex shoved past Marco to get into the house.

_And I remember the time, when you left for Santa Monica_

_And I remember the day, that you told me it's over_

It wasn't her fault that she had forgotten Jay's leash. When she saw Jay, pummeling the shit out of him, she felt differently about Jay. Not in the romantic sense, but this proves he might actually care about her. 'Yes! Kill the furby! Please kill him!' She thought as she looked over at the crowd trying to pull them apart. She wanted to let Jay to continue to knock him senseless (not like he had any sense to begin with), but the glare she got from her blonde ex-lover made her decided otherwise. She pulled Jay off Spinner and shoved him towards the door.

_It hurts to breathe_

_Everytime that you're not next to me_

"Alex… I want you to leave. I want you to take Jay and leave. And Alex… don't come back. I never want to see your face for as long as I live." With every word out of her mouth, Alex found herself wishing some unknown force would just kill her where she stood. She wished that it were anyone, BUT Paige who had said those words of hatred. But as she walked through the front door and felt Jay's eyes watching her… she realized that all hope left in her heart was gone.

_Her mind's made up_

_The girl is gone_

_And now I'm forced to see_

Alex was once again leaning against a wall. She stood in the shadows of the train station and a cool blast of air hit her face like a ton of bricks. Jay wasn't anywhere in sight… and he probably wouldn't be for awhile. When they had arrived back at Alex's house after the party… a few days ago… they had gotten into a horrible fight leaving Alex not on speaking terms with anybody.

_I think I'm on my way_

_Oh, it hurts to live today_

**Alex sat curled in a ball on the couch while Jay looked down at her. Her eyes were glued to the muted TV, watching one of the few channels that their TV got.**

"**So… you're just going to sit there? You're aware that they slept together after you guys broke up… right?" She ignored him; eyes still glued to the TV.**

"**Well? ANSWER ME!"**

"**You shouldn't have attacked him!" She spat at him. 'No,' she thought, 'you should have killed him! I should have never left Paige…' Alex wanted to cry… she really did, but it had been so long, she thought maybe she had forgotten how.**

"**Alex… she broke up with you THEN slept with Spinner! You're just going to sit here and not do anything about it?" Alex's feet had become very interesting at that point.**

"**I only attacked Spinner because he has no right to be with the girl you love. It's breaking your heart… Paige is breaking your heart!" Alex's eyes began to sting as Jay's words cut at her.**

"**Jay… I never said she broke up with me. She's breaking my heart because… I broke hers first." Jay paused.**

"**Alex… you're a piece of fucking shit, you know that? You had me… pitying you about Paige breaking up with you…"**

"**I NEVER SAID SHE DID!" **

"**WELL THAT'S HOW YOU ACTED! IF YOU STILL LOVE HER SO MUCH, THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU BREAK UP WITH HER! I CAME TO THE PARTY FOR YOU, I BEAT UP SPINNER FOR YOU, AND I'VE BEEN STANDING UP FOR YOU AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE TRUTH!" HE screamed at her. Alex stood up.**

"**Get the hell out of my house, Jay. If you cared at all about me, you'd get out and stop coming around." Jay spat on her shoes.**

"**You don't have to tell me twice." And he left… leaving Alex with her thoughts on how true he had been.**

_Oh and she says, "Don't you wish you were dead like me?"_

So here Alex stood… as the cool fall wind pounded against her face. Two figures entered the station, one with a couple of bags in her hands. The two were completely unaware of the person lurking in the shadows farther down in the station.

"I'm sorry I can't wait with you for your train. I swear, it seems my boss has been trying to give me as many shifts as possible at the Dot. But you can expect me, Marco, and Hazel to come by to see how you're doing next weekend." Alex could make out Paige smiling and then lean in for a kiss. Alex wanted to die more in that second then she had ever wanted to in her whole life… including the day of the shooting. Her stomach churned as the furby and the princess kissed.

_And I remember the day, when you left for Santa Monica_

_You left me to remain, with all your excuses for everything_

Spinner soon left, leaving Paige with only her luggage to keep her company. 'Not for long!' Alex thought as she stepped out of the shadows and made her presence known to Paige. In Alex's mind, she could hear Paige's voice.

'You're the one who kissed me!'

'You're the one who broke up with me, remember?'

Alex knew that this was her last hope. That somewhere in her heart, Paige would forgive Alex, no questions asked. And that they would live happily ever after… just like fairy tales.

'But it's not a fairy tale… is it?' No… no it wasn't. Alex knew that Paige wasn't easily forgiving… and she didn't expect anything to come of this. Alex had started their relationship and she had also ended. But was it really the end?

_And I remember the time, when you left for Santa Monica_

_And I remember the day, you told me it's over_

"Paige?" Alex approached the blonde, who glared at Alex with a fiery gaze that left Alex frozen.

"What part of 'I never want to see you again' don't you understand?" She spat. Alex cringed, but sucked up her courage and continued.

"Probably the never part. Mind if I talk to you for a minute?"

"That's what we're doing now, isn't it? What more do you want from me, Alex?"

_I wanted more than this_

_I needed more than this_

_I could use of more than this_

"All I want is a moment of you're time. Look at me Paige! What do you see?" For a moment, Alex thought Paige was going to tell her off, but Paige nodded and really looked at Alex.

"It looks like you need some more sleep, judging by the black bags under your eyes. And that you need to brush your hair… it's a mess…" Paige sighed and continued.

"And you look pale… washed out… Alex, you're a mess!"

"I know… listen, I'm sorry about your party. Does the fact that Jay and I aren't friends anymore make any difference?"

"No… not really." Was her bored reply. Alex was losing a 'no-win' battle, but she continued.

"Listen Paige, I made a mistake." Silence.

"Whatever you're talking about doesn't make much of a difference now, does it? The train that's going to take me to Banting is on it's way and…" But Alex cut her off.

"No it doesn't… but that doesn't stop the fact that… I still love you." More silence.

_But it just won't stop_

_It just won't go away_

"B-But… S-Spinner… and m-me…" Paige stuttered as a horn sounded in the distance.

"Yeah, I heard about you and Spinner hooking-up after our break-up. I know you slept with him, but I haven't moved on. I should have never broken up with you. I was scared, okay?" Alex could feel herself wanting to breakdown on the spot; wanting to beg Paige to take her back and cry her eyes out. But she wouldn't… that was Plan B.

_I needed more than this_

_I wanted more than this_

_I asked for more than this_

"Alex… NO! I can't do this. I-I need to move on. I'm with Spinner now!"

"But you haven't moved on yet! What if I told you I'm willing to move with you? What if I pack all my things tonight and grabbed the next train out to Kingston? I have nothing left for me here, but so much to gain from leaving."

"You'd move?" Paige dropped her luggage and really looked at Alex. Seeing that she was completely serious, she flattered.

"You'd really move with me?"

"I would." The flatter was short lived and Paige came back to reality.

"But what about Spinner?"

_But it just won't stop_

_It just won't go away_

"Spinner reminds me of a furby and is in desperate need of sticking to one haircut. He'll get over it." Paige glared angrily at Alex.

"Whether you like it or not, I still have feelings for him!" Alex stood frozen, thrown off-guard by the sudden change in Paige. She had lost. She had SO lost. One last chance as the station began to light of from the train lights. The horn sounded again and Alex took a deep breath.

"It's time to be serious, Paige. Is Spinner willing to give up his job at the Dot to follow you wherever your career takes you? Is he here… pouring his very soul out to you?"

_And I remember the day, when you left for Santa Monica_

_You left me to remain, with all your excuses for everything_

"Alex… what if things between us don't work out? What if we never have that 'click' again?" The train began to pull into the station. Time was running out and Alex's palms became sweaty.

"We'll never know if we don't give it a shot, right?" An old woman and a child that looked to be her grandson stepped out of the train as the doors opened. They watched the two girls as they hurried to the parking lot.

"HAVE YOU THOUGHT MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO TRY?" The blonde haired girl grabbed in bags in a furry of rage and stormed onto the train. Alex stood there… dumbstruck.

_And I remember the time, when you left it all behind_

_And I remember the day, you told me it's over_

"Paige…"

"You broke up with me, remember? You ended what we had and now you've got to live with the consequences of your actions."

"But doesn't me here do anything to change that?" Before Paige could answer, Alex ran out of the station.

_And I remember the day, when you left for Santa Monica_

_You left me to remain, with all your excuses for everything_

'I tried, all right. I tried and I failed.' Alex thought as she lit a cigarette outside the train station. Her eyes began to sting as she heard the train pull off into the night. Feeling weak, she feel back against the wall and before she knew it, her knees buckled and her ass hit hard against cold cement. She cried out in pain as the bone below her spine hit too. But it didn't hurt as badly as her heart did at that moment. Her world was ending, throwing her into a world of angst and pain. No one was left that truly cared about her.

_And I remember the time, when you left for Santa Monica_

"Alex?" Came a soft voice from her right. There stood Paige, luggage in hand and a smile on her face.

"Would you really come to Kingston with me?" She asked shyly. Alex stood up, tossed her cigarette to the ground, and turned to face Paige.

"Baby, I'd follow you to the moon and back." Was her response as she pulled Paige into a much-needed kiss… on BOTH sides.

_Yeah, I remember the day, when you told me it's over…_

**THE END**

So... did you like? Your reviews decide while or not I'm ever going to do a songfic or a oneshot again. I'll take flames... but instead of telling me how much I suck, can you at least be construtive about it? I would like to improve (and spelling and grammer are always my problem, this I know!). R & R!


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